How not to fix people

I heard someone say something last night that really really impressed upon me. It reminded me of something that I struggle with a lot.

Here is my confession: I am a fixer.

When a friend comes to me with a problem, I want to fix what is wrong with them. I want to have some nugget of wisdom to give to them. I want to be able to encourage them.

The thing is that most of my friends aren’t looking for that, they just want a friend. They just want someone to listen. Listening might be the greatest dying art.

I had a friend who was talking about a really pivotal time in their life. A time when they were able to really have some breakthrough and allow some healing to begin. As he tells the story, he talks about his friend being there and being next to him and allowing him to just let it all out. Not quoting scripture to him, not trying to explain or figure him out, just letting him get it all out.

I had a moment the other night with a friend who has a bunch of junk in their life. It is one of the greatest challenges for me, to just sit there. I want to fix them, I want to heal them, I want to make things better.

It is important for me to GET that it is not my job. I have been called to be a friend. A good deal of the time it requires listening, and listening alone.

My encouragement to you is become a better listener, and if you are like me… fight the insticts to fix people… and just BE there… It will do more than you can imagine.

 

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