Still struggling after all these years…

I don’t want to harp on one subject. I don’t want to abuse the topic at hand, but, you will see if you read through my bloggings, a common theme lately.

About a month ago, I had a pretty amazing breakthrough in my thinking. I had a pretty significant God moment in my life. I realized that I needed to change my thinking.

I don’t know why, but I expected that experience to be isolated. Like God would just show up and tell what to fix and then leave me to work on it. I guess this tells what kind of a distorted view of the always-present Almighty I have… wow, that is enough for a whole additional blog.

I just figured that God showed me something amazing and that was that… and I was now going to struggle through the muck and the mire…

I got home from a trip and the last several weeks at my home church we have been dealing with the same exact thing that God has been showing me in my life… huh, coincidence?

I don’t know how it works in your life, but, for me… I relate God moments with high emotion… I know something is real when I get that lump in my throat… that welling up that makes you think, “oh no, I am going to cry in public”…

Yesterday, due to circumstance I ended up listening to the streaming broadcast of my church service online… something I have become very, very thankful for… the message was entitled “Help! I worry too much!”

Go figure! It hit me dead square between the eyes… I have been dealing with the issue of trust in my life… I am struggling with the fact that I know the right answer on my Sunday School take home test is that “a: I trust God with my life” and yet I am realizing that this is more head-knowledge than heart-knowledge… and it is accurately tied to the phrase, “put your money where your mouth is”…

I am realizing that I have not been fully trusting God with ALL of my life… and wouldn’t you know, it is the part that I have been holding the furthest away from Him that is falling apart the worst…

I am a word guy, I get into looking into meanings and origins and I looked up on a hunch what the antonym, or opposite of trust is… and according to Roget’s New Millennium Thesaurus… it lists “hold and keep” How terribly interesting!… the opposite of trusting is holding on and keeping things…

I am blessed; beyond what I deserve. I know that God is preparing me for something. I don’t know what, but I also realize that I don’t need to know.

I guess for this self-confessed control-freak; letting go, or trusting God with the ALL of my life, might be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I hope you can make the leap in your head to see how “worry” applies to this… but be encouraged by these words…

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7 NLT

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“trust.” Roget’s New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.3.1). Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. 26 Mar. 2007. <Thesaurus.com http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/trust>.

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