I got into a conversation last night with one of my dearest friends who I hadn’t seen in a while. I had an pretty crappy day. He was coming over to watch a hockey game that started early because it was in another time zone, and with everything seeming to fall apart in my world, I was scrambling to finish up in time for his arrival.
I desperately wanted to just be able to hang out and watch a hockey game. (preferably one that we would have won) I was ready to just “check out” yesterday.
The real problem: I started to believe the author of lies. I started allowing Satan to have a say in my life.
Just one week ago, I was on top of the world. I had just had a rejuvenating weekend where I truly felt that God and I had connected.
And… BAM, just like that I feel heavy and like I am in one of the darkest valleys I have ever been in.
This is not my first rodeo, and I know that when God starts to move in my life…. that doesn’t sit well with Satan… they have different agendas….
I struggle with self-confidence… self-respect… Dr. David Foster writes in his book Accept no mediocre life “Self-worth is a gift of God, but self-respect is a gift you give yourself.” Why is it that I can’t see myself through God’s eyes?
While going through a study group on that book, I came to a time where I made a vow that I would not allow any negative self-talk. My problem is that I will use my passive-aggressive skills to make jokes that are self-depracating. So, it meant giving up the jokes.
When we don’t respect ourselves, when we lack confidence in ourselves… we are crippling ourselves… but we are also spitting in the face of God… We are telling Him, what he has created is ineffective. We are telling Him that His opinion is wrong.
I am not one to tell my God these things, so the alternative is to respect myself, to have confidence that He made me and sees me as valuable and creative.
Again, I will soon learn not to apologize or put a disclaimer, but, old habits break hard… This is for me… and if it helps you, that’s just awesome…